Some Days I Don’t Trust God: Parenting Through Fear After Childhood Cancer

Fear doesn’t have to decide.

Parenting after childhood cancer means carrying knowledge you can’t simply forget. A bruise, a fever, or a call from the hospital can bring back fears that other parents may never have to consider.

In this episode, I’m talking about the thin line between conviction and fear, and how I’m learning to make thoughtful choices for my family without believing that doing everything perfectly can guarantee an outcome.

There are things we can control. We can create a healthier home, educate our children, set boundaries, and help them understand why we make certain choices. But our kids also deserve the freedom to be kids, without carrying our fear around food, illness, or getting something wrong.

I’m also sharing honestly about faith and the questions I still don’t have answers to. Some days I struggle to trust God. But I can still show up, steward what I’ve been given, and choose not to let fear make every decision for me.

Because you cannot unknow what you know, but you can decide what you do with it.

 

In This Episode 

02:59  The thin line between conviction and fear

04:20  Why your child’s diagnosis was not your fault

06:19  Letting go of the belief that doing everything right guarantees an outcome

07:03  How conviction and fear can produce the same choices

08:30  What to do with fear you can’t simply ignore

09:16  Focusing on what you can actually control

10:42  Creating healthy boundaries without putting your child in a bubble

11:17  How to avoid passing food fear and guilt to your children

13:12  Giving kids autonomy within healthy boundaries

14:31  Why sometimes it’s okay to take a day off

15:10  Faith, doubt, and trusting God after childhood cancer

16:37  Why questioning doesn’t disqualify you

 

Key Takeaways

• You cannot simply forget what cancer taught you. Recognizing the fragility of life doesn’t mean you have to let that knowledge become fear.
• Conviction and fear can lead to the same decision. The difference is whether the choice comes from informed stewardship or anxiety about what could happen if you get it wrong.
• You did not cause your child’s cancer. Healthy choices matter, but no parent can guarantee an outcome by doing everything perfectly.
• Focus your energy on what you can steward. You can shape your home, your food, your environment, and how you respond without controlling every experience your child has.
• Your child still deserves room to be a child. Birthday cake, road trips, restaurants, and imperfect choices do not have to become sources of guilt.
• Education creates ownership. Explaining why your family makes certain choices can help children learn to care for their health without becoming afraid of food or their bodies.
• Health does not require perfection every day. Sometimes setting the supplements aside and making room for joy can be part of creating a healthier home.
• Questions about faith do not disqualify you. You can wrestle with God, acknowledge what you don’t understand, and still continue showing up for your child.

 

“You cannot unknow what you know. The fragility is not a mood you can talk yourself out of. It is information.” — Season Johnson 

 

Resources Mentioned

Community & Support

Learn More About Biodynamic Wellness: https://biodynamicwellness.com

 

Connect with Season

• Website: seasonjohnson.com
• Follow along on Instagram: @seasonjohnson
• Follow Season on Facebook: Season Johnson